One Year Update

Just one week short of a year since our last blog. So much has happen in ways I never saw coming but, we are seeing the goodness of Jesus in every step. He has continued to provide for us and strengthen us in both the good and not so good.

remission ended, our hearts were broken

poured our sweat and soul into a house we immediately sold

just us and our dog- new town, new job, new home

now we jump through the hoops to make orphans our own

hope rises despite all reason

settled in and dreaming big

finally our honeymoon stage

in love with Texas and each other

building, sewing, painting - preparing for our future children

deep wounds become scars

scars don't hurt, they serve as reminders

of all we lost and all we gained

we lean on His promises and trust in His plan

I'm sitting in the window nook of Marshall's hospital room thinking of a positive way to update people. Most of the time I just think about what my mom would say about the situation at hand and post that, but today I am struggling on a way to spin it well. I don't want people to see the suffering and not see Jesus there holding  and sustaining us. There are a million examples of how He has been nothing but good to us yet, the suffering is real. I can not think of a better way to summarize this feeling except through Scripture, "But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us.  We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed" ( 2 Corinthians 4).

The reason I am so concerned about the way I update people is because I don't want this situation to misguide their understanding of how we are doing. We do not feel like we don't "deserve" this. We don't feel like this is meaningless. We don't feel like this has done anything but bless us. 

When you sign up for the Christian life, you sign up for suffering. We "deserve" only justice and wrath yet, the Lord gives us more good things than we can even see. In suffering, we are nearer to Jesus. We feel a bit of the pain he felt on the cross and we are humble enough to see the ways He is working. 

The honesty of the Christian life is that suffering is real but through Jesus we aren't dependent on health, wealth, or prosperity to make us happy. This isn't just an easy to answer. We are truly joyful even as we lack sleep, even as he is getting poisoned, even when we get unfavorable results. And there is no explanation aside from the peace and strength of Jesus. 

We don't want any of this to cause people to feel sorry for us but, to lead them back to Jesus. For we are far happier than we "deserve". 

Let the suffering be real.

Let the blessings be real. 

His purposes will ripen fast,

Unfolding every hour;

The bud may have a bitter taste,

But sweet will be the flower.

- William Cowper

Ridlehoover's, y'all.

 As much as I try to keep things "normal" and fun, the majority of the time things are not as fabulous as our facebook and instagram accounts may seem. We choose to share the good and publicly focus on how God is getting us through and redeeming these situations. However, it is sweetness to our souls to have those people around us that see past all that and know when we are hurting the most... always without us even asking.

Papa and Nana are certainly some of those people for us. My grandparents came to visit us a few months ago and have been so amazing through this whole process. In many ways, it is easier for us to relate to older people because of the drastic lifestyle change cancer has brought. They have always been and continue to be there for me (and now Marshall) anytime and in any way we need them. Their hearts are broken for us, and they actively seek ways to encourage and love us.

They insist I buy Marshall every candy, mint, gum, drink he even mentions...

They have their whole Church praying for us specifically and intentionally for months...

They come across the country to help me take care of him and do our laundry....

They constantly remind me (without dismissing my suffering) that God is in control...

They let me vent and rant and cry...

We are grateful for these superstars.

top 5 way to make the hospital fun

Here are our TOP 5 WAYS to make the HOSPITAL (a little more) FUN:

- Pandora dance parties. Yes, these dance parties will involve an IV tree, but they can still be fabulous and fun.

- Enjoy the downtime by taking awesome naps. This is a special place that transports you back to early childhood where naps were encouraged. Nurses love to give warm blankets, use them!

-Get out of the room. As much as you are allowed, try for a change of scenery. It seems silly to make 75 laps around the same floor a day, but it will keep you from going stir crazy.

-Eat! Whether you are on a strict diet or can eat whatever you want, its important to eat enough and make it fun. Make a picnic, bring special food, order things the way you want them.

-Hobbies. Don't try to pack light. Bring things you enjoy doing, the nurses don't mind the extra stuff and are happy to see you passing time in an enjoyable way. Read all those books you wanted to, journal, craft, sew, play video games...

photo by Chelsea Alghrim Photography 

"You look great."

"He will yet fill your mouth with laughter and your lips with shouting." (Job 8:20)

I will try and make more and more updates on here from now on, but I can't make any promises.

Some things I keep hearing from folks is (in a shocked tone) "You don't seem sick…" "You're not acting like you feel bad…" "You seem like you're really happy…" "You don't act like you have cancer…" These many more like them are often said to me.

                                                   (Face it I make no eyebrows look good)

I smile and say thanks, because to me it is a compliment. It is a testament to God and how much he is giving me in this time of suffering. God is giving me joy and happiness on a daily basis. His hand is always in me holding back waves of sickness and pain. His word is a constant reminder that I have nothing to fear and He will never leave me alone.

Without God I would be a mess. I would be withered away in a dark room. I would be in the depths of fear and depression. I would be in pain unceasing. I would not be able to enjoy the day and all the happiness around me.

Truth be told cancer is hard on me. Its hard on my wife. It is hard on everyone who loves me. I get sick, sad, and weak. I don't just put on a brave face so others will not think I'm sick,  I pray for strength so others (as well as myself) can be comforted in my suffering. So His hand can be seen in my life. So others will give Him the glory.

I'm not writing this post because I want people to stop commenting on the days I feel good. I am writing so everyone will know that I'm still sick, really sick, and it is by the grace of God alone that I'm able to survive. I want everyone to put their hope in Him, not in how well I appear to be feeling. I want all the credit to go where the credit is due. Give God praise and thanks for my health (as well as all the blessing He pours out) and when I am not so healthy.

Solo Deo Gloria, 

Marshall 

Jane Austen would be proud.

Hospital Crafts: Making Jane Austen proud!

One of my main goals during Marshall's hospitalizations is to encourage him and engage in something creative. Creating is calming for both of us and seems to really amuse his medical team.

I have been seeing some super cute cloth ornaments out this season and thought they would be great gifts.

                                 

                                                - they are easy to pack

                                                  -REALLY cute

                                                 -make of recycled materials (sometimes)

                                                 - fun to make!

Materials:

-scraps of cloth

-cross-stitch tread

-cross-stitch needles

-twine

-scissors

-cotton balls

We cut patterns out of paper, then pinned them to the cloth and cut out the shapes. 

Hand stitch any detail you want on the cloth.

Sew the two pieces together. And make sure to leave a hole to stuff the cotton into!

Spread apart the cotton ball, and stuff.

Sew up the hole and attach the twine to serve as a "hanger".

Adore you work. Give to loved ones <3

Happy Crafting friends!

xoxo

same cancer, new plan.

Hello Friends!

As you know, Marshall and I came to Houston a few weeks ago prepared to complete the last leg of his cancer treatments and be done!!

But, life doesn't usually go the way we plan.

After having a "clear" PET scan for the last few months (cancer was dead/dormant), the cancer has returned. I'll spare you all the exhausting details of our first few weeks here but, they have been trying... housing issues, problems with our house back home, devastating news, unexpected procedures...

Today we finally got a plan! It's a long (to us) and painful one but, it is do-able!

2 rounds of a new more aggressive chemo: 3 days in the hospital getting the chemo then 2 1/2 weeks between them.

1 round of another chemo: 3 days in the hospital

Stem Cell Transplant: timeline is tricky, it depends on how quickly his body heals, includes harvesting stem cells and giving them back to his body in a condensed dose

Radiation: 3-4 weeks

We will be spending the next few months fighting cancer and exploring as much of Houston as the doctors will allow.

Please continue to pray for healing and for our hearts. My mom has been here helping us and making sure I am taking care of myself as well but, she can't stay forever :(

This is a season of suffering but, there is a lot of joy in suffering.. praying that we continue to find it and delight in the goodness being shown to us daily.

There are so many things that God has taught us through this process and even more that he has used to prepare us for this unique season in our lives. I could write volumes on the goodness he has shown us both but, I think I should at least address the three main topics people ask about:

How we are dealing as young newlyweds.

Primarly, God has saved us from our sins and the consequences of them. Yes, we are young and in love... We want to grow old together :) but, we would rather cling to the promises of God which never fail thanked enjoy one another than cling to this life which can end at any time. I love my husband more than I ever thought I could love another person but utlimately Jesus loves him more so I will trust in his plan for my love.

How we are doing financially.

We were raised by two of the thriftiest most gracious women on the planet. Our mommas are total opposites but, both display a Proverbs 31 woman in this way they approach problems and love on others. We are banking on the fact that somehow their strength and craftiness has rubbed off on us ;)

How we are emotionally.

We are blessed with sweet friends and family but, utlimately we find rest in the Lord who speaks perfectly to our hearts in sweet and simple ways so that our weary minds can comprehend. Sometimes it is as simple as feeling peace we can't explain, other times it is as complex and profound as having a day where all the right people say all the right things and we have the right amount of money to pay them. 

                    

pleasant surprises

Made it home safe from Houston! Thank for all your love and prayers, hope you enjoy our little update. We apologize for our crazy appearance, 6 hours of my driving will do that to anyone ;)

The C Word

I am 23 and my sweet husband has cancer. He is 31; handsome, wise, and strong. He has stage 2 Hodgkin's lymphoma.

Not really something you expect at any age but, something I was not prepared for. After a difficult battle to even get him seen by a cancer center in OKC where we live, the praying and pleading of more people than we know, and much deliberation by the insurance company we finally had his first chemotherapy treatment tonight.

So, this is what our life looks like now... we spend Friday night cuddled in a hospital bed watching bad TV, we eat cafeteria pudding and talk like we are at a five star restaurant, we share Jesus and pray with other patients...

We are making the most of this trial and not letting a second of it go to waste. We are spending time together and with the people we love. We are exploring a new city. Most importantly, we are growing in our intimacy with the Father. And it is precious.